Last week I found out that I had the highest score on my second 20th Century Art History exam. A 108 percent is satisfying. Today I got full points on a project. Another gratifying sensation, even if there are frequent disagreements with the professor. I also made it to the Dean's List last semester, much to my surprise and pleasure.
In fact, that project I got full points on was stolen from the classroom (I found out about that today as well). This past summer someone stole another project of mine; a poster that I had been planning to give to my brother for his birthday (needless to say he didn't get it, because I couldn't afford to print it again). I just have to laugh at the experience, because there is nothing else to be done. It's almost flattering to think that my work is worthy of being stolen.
Why am I saying this? Not to brag, because I have a justification to discount everything that happens. The honest answer is that I am frequently dissatisfied with my efforts, even when I've done wonderfully well. I've had so many people express their jealousy, their wishes regarding a talent that I have, but I am often blinded by my own disregard of personal positive traits. The point? Even successful people get depression. People with all the reasons in the world to be happy could very possibly be struggling with negative demons.
I battle frequently with comparisons to those with a greater talent, whether that be in drawing (quite a common case, there), writing, designing, creating, singing, accomplishing, socializing-- in short, when measured against the strengths of people around me, I find myself looking up into someone else's castle in the sky and wondering how I could get there.
I catch myself daydreaming about someone else's castle quite often. As tempting as it is to throw hands up in defeat and slump into a miserable depression, never being satisfied with where I am and how far I've come, I have to remind myself that where I am and where they are happen to be entirely different paths to different outcomes. It's not wrong to want to be where someone else is, but it's not enough to wish for it. One has to take initiative and figure out how to plot their course to find a similar situation. If it's worth having, then it's worth working for.
One thing people say that, quite honestly, gets on my nerves, is the declaration "I can hardly (or only) draw stick figures." I had a friend, a marvelous artist who I looked up to very much, who couldn't draw a successful stick figure. Comparing one's stick figures to another's drawing is extremely inappropriate, and excludes other factors about the individual. There are so many wonderful facets to each individual, and I am constantly in awe of how amazing each person is. It doesn't matter if their talents are highly visible, or seemingly imperceptible. There are talents there. For everyone.
It's not inappropriate to want a talent. It is inappropriate to dwell on that desire, to the exclusion of what one already has. The best way to get a talent is to work like you have it. It's harder for some people to gain certain skills than others, but if it's worth having... well, then nothing should stand in the way of developing it. When faced with discouragement, the best remedy is to do something that comes naturally, and can be done well. Even just something enjoyable can cure discouragement. Laugh at mistakes, because it's okay to make mistakes and be discouraged; just don't ever stop building goals.
Don Fishote, 2007
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